


The Other Woman

by wistfulwatcher



Category: Lost
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-05
Updated: 2011-03-05
Packaged: 2017-10-16 02:59:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/167701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wistfulwatcher/pseuds/wistfulwatcher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[i. you hold your breath when you should hold your tongue] Inspired by a Saul Williams poem, fragmented throughout the piece. Juliet POV, reflections throughout "The Incident."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Other Woman

[i. you hold your breath when you should hold your tongue]

 

"I got a right to know why you changed your mind."

 

 

She is staring at the blood on his lip and the twitch in his eye. His question is not a question but a demand and it is more than he deserves and more than she has to give.

 

An answer falls from her lips and she curses her tongue for the betrayal. A hesitant admission of her observations and _her_ and she never has to clarify the subject because there is always a _her_.

 

She is fighting now to change things, to send him back and send her back and send _her_ back. She knows it will still mean three years with Ben, a glass of spiked orange juice and cancer in remission. It will be all of her mistakes over again, except for him. Because if they fix it all then she will never meet him, and she will never leave Ben, but it's fine because it also means he will never meet _her_.

 

It's petty and sad and she is doing it mostly so she can't lose a man she won't have to a woman who is no longer interested in him. But he can't argue against her, and this means she is right. She is the other woman, and the other woman is never _her_.

 

[ii. and you hold your tongue when you should hold my hand]

 

She bares her soul in her recitation of her mother's thoughts. She continues on, breath catching in her throat, hoping he will stop her with a hand on her hand, his lips on her lips, his heart to her heart.

 

(Three years of sweet smiles and dimples and warm kisses and _baby_  but never an honest moment.)

 

((Playing house is fun while it lasts.))

 

_You're wrong. This is enough and I can't lose you. I love you, I need you._

 

 

Any of the above and he gives her none.

 

 

_I choose you._

 

 

Especially not that. Never that. Because he is Edward and Ben and Goodwin and her father and she is her mother's child. Because they would all stay with her forever if she let them but not a single one wouldn't be thinking of another woman. Because she is never _her_ , but the other woman.

Because love is not meant for Burke women, and when it is it's not enough.

 

(Three years of laundry and dinner and _how was your day, dear?_ and she's still the second choice.)

 

((Playing house, and all.))

 

His silence reaffirms this and heat burns the back of her eyes, her nose, her throat. She bites the flames back and gives another second of a pause but no longer. Because she is the other woman and answers aren't meant for Burke women.

 

(Three years of dying mothers, effort exerted and tears shed, but this is the way she must live--incomplete experiments and deafened pleas ( _please?_ ).)

 

[iii. and i should delegate more authority to myself]

 

She brushes past him and brushes it off; three years is three years and James is still a man. Her mother's blunt words leave stars behind her eyes but it pales in comparison to the crushing force of the answers she never got.

 

Love isn't enough (but little girls aren't meant for such cynicism).

 

[iv. but i can't help thinking that you are]

 

It may be her house and her shampoo and her grandmother's meatloaf recipe but it is _her_ hand on his heart and a Burke woman can't compete with that.

 

[v. thinking]

 

The silence is rising to deafening volume and she needs to take the first step back.

 

[vi. thinking]

 

He may be the plan man, but she will always be the one to dip her toes in.

 

(The water is always freezing.)

 

((She takes the leap.))

 

[vii. what is she thinking?]

 

She imagines her thoughts involve him and her inability to chose the right man. She thinks bad choices were made, bad consequences were had, and bad feelings abound.

 

She knows she is the other woman.

 

(She is her mother's child.)


End file.
